hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
