a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
