She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
