I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sarcasm needs its own font
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
