I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
