I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
