Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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