if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
