How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
