Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
