STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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