Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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