Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
