if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We just shotgunned beers for America
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
