It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
