Tell her she can't have a vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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