sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
