Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
