i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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