i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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