How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
