This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
