Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
