I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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