I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
this is an emotional support booty call
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
