Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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