God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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