he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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