Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
