you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
