At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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