I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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