Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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