I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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