just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
