She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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