just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
