I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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