I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
