Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
