did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
