There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
