Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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