its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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