The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
