at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
