so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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