the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
