I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
