glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
