Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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