SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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