somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize