So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
