You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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