Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
