People with herpes should wear stickers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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