Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
