Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
