i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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