I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
