can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
