Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
