it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
