Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
