Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
